there was a big art performance in town, i was asked to make a video of it, there were a lot of people, and i said all the time ” excuse me, I must go in front, because i must make the video.” i was happy to be there, the artist was a big master and he hadn’t been in town for a long time. then i found myself sitting at a table, with the master and four of his assistents,the event was structured as an informal meeting, a table discussion, and he was there with his assistents and me at one table, while the rest of the audience was looking at us, there was an embroidered pillow on the table and some pens & notebooks, it looked all damned important, i was listening to what they said and felt important sitting and listening there at the table, but my mind wandered away, it was not that interesting what they said, i took a pen and made the embroidery on the cushion a little more beautiful, at some moment i started to feel awkward, i discovered that it wasn’t an informal meeting, i felt displaced, i tried to escape to the corner of the stage, where the video camera stood, i took my pillow with me, i felt a kind of ashamed, and went home, without talking to anyone, i took the pillow home. One friend had to laugh a lot, and made a naked body from my drawings on the pillow, and other friend, a graphic designer, who makes a lot of art books for big artists, was not that amused, he said that the people of the gallerie all the time tried to give me signs to leave the table, but they did it behind my back, so i couldn’t see it. he told me that the pillow was an important artwork, and very pricy, and that i was considered to be a thief now. i was in panic. but my boyfriend backed me and said he would pay. he even didn’t ask me why i did it.
i myself even didn’t know why did it, and how i stranded at that table in the first place. Was it my eagerness to be in the spotlights with the big stars. I couldn’t tell. But i felt stupid and angry. Stupid to get into such problems, and angry about the faking of informality in such an art event and the respect people give to the money value of an art piece. i felt disgust for this kind of artworks, but still i had to solve this problem. in the mantime the pillow leaked its filling: all kind of symbols shaped foam. very cute… i liked the pillow, although i wasn’t made that well. and i felt happy that my boyfriend reacted so supportive.